What do you think is behind people avoiding confrontation?

[pgn23]

I feel so frustrated.

Sometimes, I feel like everyone I care about is so temporary. Why, when I have done nothing to deserve so? Why don’t I deserve an explanation? What’s so bad about me?

 

[DrLeftover]

Most people in our lives, and most situations ARE temporary.

I've lost more people that I care about over the years than I can even remember without effort. Many have died, some have moved elsewhere on the planet, others have for whatever reason decided to no longer speak to me.

It is part of the human condition.

Do you deserve an explanation as to why somebody no longer wishes to associate with you? Probably. But they may not see it that way.

 

[cowcatcher]

I personally avoid confrontation because I don't want to be hurt and don't want to hurt someone I care about. I know it's not good to avoid honest conversations, especially to keep a relationship. I suck at relationships. I suck at friendships. I never had a good role model to show me how to do it properly. I think you point out (for someone with my behaviors) that I have probably hurt people in the long run because I didn't want to hurt them in the moment.

 

[Nebulous]

Life is temporary and everything in it is temporary. One day earth will be vaporized by a giant solar flare from the sun and all traces of humanity, animals, history and everything that has ever happened will be erased. Okay that got a little dark. Lol

Anyway, back on topic, the only person that will be a constant in your life is yourself. I try to be in the moment and enjoy my time with people for as long as that lasts but I know that in the end all I will have is me, myself and I.

 

[MrDawn]

I would have to agree with @DrLeftover. Throughout my life I've had people up and quit talking to me for unspecified reasons. I quit taking it personal a long time ago. After my father disowned me, I concluded that people come and go out of our lives. I myself have ended friendships without giving explanation because I was not happy with those relationships.

 

[pgn23]

Do you deserve an explanation as to why somebody no longer wishes to associate with you?

Not at all. Isn’t that what this thread is about?

Ghosting or avoiding somebody can be emotional abuse; not that it isn’t completely fine to dismiss someone in that way. May not be respectful or the way you wanted, but when the going gets tough; if you are not the common denominator in a situation it is frustrating.

I recognize when I am the problem, if that is your question.

I've lost more people that I care about over the years than I can even remember without effort.

Same here.

 

[MrDawn]

Ghosting or avoiding somebody can be emotional abuse; not that it isn’t completely fine to dismiss someone in that way.

I think ghosting someone says a lot without saying anything. After all, actions do speak louder than words. It tells me they want nothing to do with me. It tells me that they're not interested. It tells me that they do not care about making a relationship of any kind. It's been done to me a lot. I don't have a problem with it. I completely understand why people do it. They don't owe me any explanations nor do I feel entitled to a reason. I'd rather be quietly dismissed than be given reasons that I might not agree with. I made my peace with rejection a long time ago and I understand that no means no. It's their life and if they don't want people in it that they do not like then that is their choice.

 

[pgn23]

They don't owe me any explanations nor do I feel entitled to a reason.

Indeed.

 

[cowcatcher]

I have witnessed (in my mother's second marriage) what can happen when someone is fixated on their own idealized version of who they think/want in a relationship. When the ideal (idol) is revealed to be their true self, or breaks from the idealization, the "worshipper" can find the true relationship to be better/deeper/more honest, IF the worshipper is truly interested in the real version of their idol - an epiphany occurs. This rarely happens.
Usually the worshipper had a "depiphany" (I enjoy making up words), and if the worshipper feels strong enough, will try to force the person to conform to the idealistic vision. If the idol does not comply, the worshipper may become emotionally and/or physically abusive.
My mother escaped from this type of relationship, but blamed her cancer, in part, on the stress this situation put on her. I helped her escape, but I wish I had been able to mete some punishment on him, because it is a sick behavior pattern. (btw his first wife had committed suicide which in hindsight should have been a huge red flag)

 

[Ammi]

…there is the analogy/comparison to our lives and a tree in that apparently there are three type of people…leaf people, branch people and root people…so I will just copy and paste this next bit from the explanation online….

LEAF PEOPLE:
These are people who come into your life just for a season. You can't depend on them because they are weak. They only come to take what they want, but if the wind comes they will leave.
You need to be careful of these people because they love you when things are okay, but when the wind comes they will leave you

BRANCH PEOPLE:
They are strong, but you need to be careful with them too. They break away when life becomes tough and they can't handle too much weight. They may stay with you in some seasons, but they will go when it becomes harder

ROOT PEOPLE: These people are very important because they don't do things to be seen. They are supportive even if you go through a difficult time they will water you and they are not moved by your position they just love you like that ...

It's not all people you meet or are your friends, that will stay with you.
Only the root type of people will stay no matter the season


….I have a friend who this is his belief….I feel as though ‘temporary’ may feel a bit sad to lose someone as it were, but it’s also enabling that movement in our lives and creating situations for new people to enter…many things (people) don’t need to feel like a loss, either…if we know where they are and they’re happily moving forward with their lives as well etc, we may pop in and out and reconnect with them at other points in out own lives…but they’ll need space to grow, as we will…and it gives us all space to continue making connections…

 

[pgn23]

…there is the analogy/comparison to our lives and a tree in that apparently there are three type of people…leaf people, branch people and root people…so I will just copy and paste this next bit from the explanation online….

LEAF PEOPLE:
These are people who come into your life just for a season. You can't depend on them because they are weak. They only come to take what they want, but if the wind comes they will leave.
You need to be careful of these people because they love you when things are okay, but when the wind comes they will leave you

BRANCH PEOPLE:
They are strong, but you need to be careful with them too. They break away when life becomes tough and they can't handle too much weight. They may stay with you in some seasons, but they will go when it becomes harder

ROOT PEOPLE: These people are very important because they don't do things to be seen. They are supportive even if you go through a difficult time they will water you and they are not moved by your position they just love you like that ...

It's not all people you meet or are your friends, that will stay with you.
Only the root type of people will stay no matter the season


….I have a friend who this is his belief….I feel as though ‘temporary’ may feel a bit sad to lose someone as it were, but it’s also enabling that movement in our lives and creating situations for new people to enter…many things (people) don’t need to feel like a loss, either…if we know where they are and they’re happily moving forward with their lives as well etc, we may pop in and out and reconnect with them at other points in out own lives…but they’ll need space to grow, as we will…and it gives us all space to continue making connections…

Just.. thank you.

 

[Black Angel]

In my case, it is fear, fear of the truth, being held accountable and then having the onus on you to do something about it.

I just recently lost a friend of mine of 20 years.. but no explanation was necessary. Something had been off with him for a while and he had just used up his third strike with me.

First strike was an incident that occurred just after I had started dating my husband. Which he apologized for, and I forgave him. He was drunk.

Second, was him calling me up in a drunken rage bender a few months ago talking some crazy shit about me hanging with his enemies. I don't hang with anybody, I can count the number of close friends on one hand, and because my friends have lives of their own, we haven seen each other for years, but still keep in touch with each other.. so its mostly my family when we travel and when they visit. And they don't even know him like that.

When I called him back after leaving one of his drunken messages, he started up and hung up on me. I called him out via text message and told him that when he was ready to talk like adults, then he could call me back with an apology..

He claimed not remembering anything that night, and pretended it didn't happen.

Third was him defending Andrew Tate and Jeffery Epstein, and he was also drunk. That was the last straw. And it was the thing that had be looking over his behavior over the years and things he had said, that didn't add up. What affirmed my decision about him, was the fact that my husband never trusted him from jump, but remained respectful of the fact that I had known this friend just a bit longer than him.

Sometimes the reason is self-explanatory, and over time, the person they truly are will come out once they get tired of the pretense themselves.. and sometimes, they realize that they were never good enough for you to begin with, and that it is best to part ways as a result.

I have always been consistent in the support of my friends, and I have never done anything to warrant the disrespectful treatment of the friend I lost, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

Sometimes people in your life are not meant to be your friends for life, but to serve as a warning of what can happen if you make the same bad choices they did. I have since learned that this person was exactly that, where I am concerned, but it doesn't make the reality of the situation any less sad.

 

[Ammi]

…I guess that people we know or meet are just the same as many other aspects of our lives in that we only know the good and who we want to keep going forward…through experiencing the less good and those we feel should be left in our past…