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I am stumped 
Here is some math ones I found:
Q: If 2 is company and 3 is a crowd, what are 4 and 5?
A:
Q: I add 5 to 9 and get 2. The answer is correct, so what am I?
A:
Q: Rachel goes to the supermarket and buys 10 tomatoes. Unfortunately, on the way back home, all but 9 get ruined. How many tomatoes are left in a good condition?
A:
Q: What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat, and 2/4 goat?
A:
Q: If a zookeeper had 100 pairs of animals in her zoo, and two pairs of babies are born for each one of the original animals, then (sadly) 23 animals don’t survive, how many animals do you have left in total?
A:
Q: I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.
A:
Q: If you multiply this number by any other number, the answer will always be the same. What number is this?
A:
Q: I am an odd number. Take away a letter and I become even. What number am I?
A:
Here is some math ones I found:
Q: If 2 is company and 3 is a crowd, what are 4 and 5?
A:
9.
Q: I add 5 to 9 and get 2. The answer is correct, so what am I?
A:
A clock. When it is 9 a.m., adding 5 hours would make it 2 p.m.
Q: Rachel goes to the supermarket and buys 10 tomatoes. Unfortunately, on the way back home, all but 9 get ruined. How many tomatoes are left in a good condition?
A:
9.
Q: What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat, and 2/4 goat?
A:
Chicago!
Q: If a zookeeper had 100 pairs of animals in her zoo, and two pairs of babies are born for each one of the original animals, then (sadly) 23 animals don’t survive, how many animals do you have left in total?
A:
977 animals (100 x 2 = 200; 200 + 800 = 1000; 1000 – 23 = 977)
Q: I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.
A:
I think he must be plotting something.
Q: If you multiply this number by any other number, the answer will always be the same. What number is this?
A:
Zero
Q: I am an odd number. Take away a letter and I become even. What number am I?
A:
Seven.
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- Posts
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- 915
Can you read this?I am stumped
==
FUNEM?
SVFM.
FUNEX?
SVFX.
OK, M&X.
Have You Any Ham?
Yes, we have ham.
Have you any eggs?
Yes, we have eggs.
Okay, ham & eggs.
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Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. In the sketch Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar and hold it to his forehead. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope.
--------------------------------------------
A: Gatorade
A: Bedbug
A: Flypaper
A: Blazing Saddles
A: Crabgrass
A: Supervisor
A: Milk and Honey
A: Ben Gay
A: An unmarried woman
A: Disjoint
A: The Laughing Policeman
A: Dustin Hoffman
A: Shareholder
A: Rub-a-dub-dub
A: Head and Shoulders
A: Hickory Dickory Dock
A: Follow the yellow brick road
A: Grape Nuts
A: Bible belt
--------------------------------------------
A: Gatorade
Q: What does an alligator get on welfare?
A: Bedbug
Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker?
A: Flypaper
Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?
A: Blazing Saddles
Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?
A: Crabgrass
Q: What do crabs get high on?
A: Supervisor
Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?
A: Milk and Honey
Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder?
A: Ben Gay
Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?
A: An unmarried woman
Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952?
A: Disjoint
Q: What was dat hippie smoking?
A: The Laughing Policeman
Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?
A: Dustin Hoffman
Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.
A: Shareholder
Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be?
A: Rub-a-dub-dub
Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub?
A: Head and Shoulders
Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car?
A: Hickory Dickory Dock
Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?
A: Follow the yellow brick road
Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office?
A: Grape Nuts
Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?
A: Bible belt
Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants?
- Posts
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- Posts
- 82,132
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- 17,663
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- 3,490
Q: Four cars come to a four-way stop, each coming from a different direction. They can’t decide who got there first, so they all go forward at the same time. All 4 cars go, but none crash into each other. How is this possible?
A:
Q: I have a head like a cat and feet like a cat, but I am not a cat. What am I?
A:
Q: Who makes it, has no need of it. Who buys it, has no use for it. Who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?
A:
Q: What has hands but cannot clap?
A:
Q: Paul's height is six feet, he's an assistant at a butcher's shop, and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
A:
Q: What gets broken without being held?
A:
Q: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?
A:
Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A:
Q: Throw away the outside and cook the inside, then eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it?
A:
Q: What is at the end of a rainbow?
A:
Q: What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?
A:
Q: They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they?
A:
Q: What is always in front of you, but can’t be seen?
A:
Q: You’ll find me in Mercury, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus. But never Neptune, or Venus. What am I?
A:
Q: How many months have 28 days?
A:
Q: I can be cracked, made, told, and played. What am I?
A:
Q: I cannot talk, but I always reply when spoken to. What am I?
A:
Q: When is the top of a mountain similar to a savings account?
A:
Q: A man goes out for a walk during a storm with nothing to protect him from the rain. He doesn’t have a hat, a hood, or an umbrella. But by the end of his walk, there isn’t a single wet hair on his head. Why doesn’t the man have wet hair?
A:
Q: I love to dance, and twist. I shake my tail as I sail away. When I fly wingless into the sky. What am I?
A:
Q: When you stop to look, you can always see me. But if you try to touch me, you can never feel me. Although you walk towards me, I remain the same distance from you. What am I?
A:
Q: You see a boat filled with people. It has not sunk. But when you look back, you don’t see a single person on the boat. Why?
A:
Q: What is it that no one wants to have, but no one wants to lose either?
A:
Q: I welcome the day with a show of light, I stealthily came here in the night.I bathe the earthy stuff at dawn, But by noon, alas! I'm gone.
A:
Q: What goes through cities and fields, but never moves?
A:
Q: What can be touched but can't be seen?
A:
Q: In a bus, there is a 26-year-old pregnant lady, a 30-year-old policeman, a 52-year-old random woman, and the driver who is 65 years old. Who is the youngest?
A:
Q: When it is alive we sing, when it is dead we clap our hands. What is it?
A:
Q: What can go through glass without breaking it?
A:
Q: What gets bigger the more you take away?
A:
Q: I have no life, but I can die. What am I?
A:
Q: What kind of room has no walls, door or windows?
A:
Q: It belongs to you, but your friends use it more. What is it?
A:
Q: What 2 things can you never eat for breakfast?
A:
Q: I make a loud sound when I’m changing. When I do change, I get bigger but weigh less. What am I?
A:
Q: It has keys, but no locks. It has space, but no room. You can enter, but can’t go inside. What is it?
A:
Q: I’m orange, I wear a green hat and I sound like a parrot. What am I?
A:
Q: What runs all around a backyard, yet never moves?
A:
Q: Take off my skin - I won't cry, but you will! What am I?
A:
Q: What invention lets you look right through a wall?
A:
Q: What is always on its way but never arrives?
A:
Q: Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month and year, and yet they're not twins. How can this be?
A:
Q: What has a bottom at the top?
A:
Q: What can you catch but never throw?
A:
Q: What has many teeth but cannot bite?
A:
Q: What has branches, but no fruit, trunk, or leaves?
A:
Q: What thrives when you feed it but dies when you water it?
A:
Q: What do you buy to eat but never consume?
A:
Q: Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How?
A:
Q: A bus driver goes the wrong way down a one-way street. He passes the cops, but they don’t stop him. Why?
A:
Q: If an electric train is traveling south, then which way is the smoke going?
A:
Q: Where is the only place where today comes before yesterday?
A:
Q: What can you put in a bucket to make it weigh less?
A:
Q: How can kids drink beer and not get drunk?
A:
A:
They all made right-hand turns.
Q: I have a head like a cat and feet like a cat, but I am not a cat. What am I?
A:
A kitten.
Q: Who makes it, has no need of it. Who buys it, has no use for it. Who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?
A:
A coffin.
Q: What has hands but cannot clap?
A:
A clock.
Q: Paul's height is six feet, he's an assistant at a butcher's shop, and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
A:
Meat.
Q: What gets broken without being held?
A:
A promise.
Q: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?
A:
Nothing.
Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A:
Smiles, because there is a mile between each ‘s’.
Q: Throw away the outside and cook the inside, then eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it?
A:
Corn on the cob.
Q: What is at the end of a rainbow?
A:
The letter W!
Q: What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?
A:
A palm!
Q: They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they?
A:
Stars!
Q: What is always in front of you, but can’t be seen?
A:
The future.
Q: You’ll find me in Mercury, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus. But never Neptune, or Venus. What am I?
A:
The letter “R”.
Q: How many months have 28 days?
A:
Every month has 28 days.
Q: I can be cracked, made, told, and played. What am I?
A:
A joke.
Q: I cannot talk, but I always reply when spoken to. What am I?
A:
An echo.
Q: When is the top of a mountain similar to a savings account?
A:
When it peaks one’s interest.
Q: A man goes out for a walk during a storm with nothing to protect him from the rain. He doesn’t have a hat, a hood, or an umbrella. But by the end of his walk, there isn’t a single wet hair on his head. Why doesn’t the man have wet hair?
A:
He’s bald.
Q: I love to dance, and twist. I shake my tail as I sail away. When I fly wingless into the sky. What am I?
A:
A kite.
Q: When you stop to look, you can always see me. But if you try to touch me, you can never feel me. Although you walk towards me, I remain the same distance from you. What am I?
A:
The horizon
Q: You see a boat filled with people. It has not sunk. But when you look back, you don’t see a single person on the boat. Why?
A:
All the people on board are married.
Q: What is it that no one wants to have, but no one wants to lose either?
A:
A lawsuit.
Q: I welcome the day with a show of light, I stealthily came here in the night.I bathe the earthy stuff at dawn, But by noon, alas! I'm gone.
A:
The morning dew.
Q: What goes through cities and fields, but never moves?
A:
A road.
Q: What can be touched but can't be seen?
A:
Someone’s heart.
Q: In a bus, there is a 26-year-old pregnant lady, a 30-year-old policeman, a 52-year-old random woman, and the driver who is 65 years old. Who is the youngest?
A:
The baby of the pregnant lady.
Q: When it is alive we sing, when it is dead we clap our hands. What is it?
A:
A birthday candle.
Q: What can go through glass without breaking it?
A:
Light.
Q: What gets bigger the more you take away?
A:
A hole.
Q: I have no life, but I can die. What am I?
A:
A battery.
Q: What kind of room has no walls, door or windows?
A:
A mushroom.
Q: It belongs to you, but your friends use it more. What is it?
A:
Your name.
Q: What 2 things can you never eat for breakfast?
A:
Lunch and dinner.
Q: I make a loud sound when I’m changing. When I do change, I get bigger but weigh less. What am I?
A:
Popcorn.
Q: It has keys, but no locks. It has space, but no room. You can enter, but can’t go inside. What is it?
A:
A keyboard.
Q: I’m orange, I wear a green hat and I sound like a parrot. What am I?
A:
A carrot.
Q: What runs all around a backyard, yet never moves?
A:
A fence.
Q: Take off my skin - I won't cry, but you will! What am I?
A:
An onion.
Q: What invention lets you look right through a wall?
A:
A window.
Q: What is always on its way but never arrives?
A:
Tomorrow.
Q: Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month and year, and yet they're not twins. How can this be?
A:
The two babies are two of a set of triplets.
Q: What has a bottom at the top?
A:
Your legs.
Q: What can you catch but never throw?
A:
A cold.
Q: What has many teeth but cannot bite?
A:
A comb.
Q: What has branches, but no fruit, trunk, or leaves?
A:
A bank.
Q: What thrives when you feed it but dies when you water it?
A:
A fire.
Q: What do you buy to eat but never consume?
A:
Cutlery.
Q: Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How?
A:
They are grandfather, father, and son.
Q: A bus driver goes the wrong way down a one-way street. He passes the cops, but they don’t stop him. Why?
A:
He was walking.
Q: If an electric train is traveling south, then which way is the smoke going?
A:
There is no smoke—it's an electric train.
Q: Where is the only place where today comes before yesterday?
A:
The dictionary.
Q: What can you put in a bucket to make it weigh less?
A:
A hole.
Q: How can kids drink beer and not get drunk?
A:
By sticking to root beer.
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