Returning Home (Tales from the Wasatch Range)

[Webster]

Long story short: over on another forum - We Are The Walking Dead - I used to participate in the Walking Dead AU roleplay over there and of all the characters I had over there, the two that I liked RP'ing with the most were Stephanie Harrington and Elizabeth Halliday. As leaving the RP over there - and watching it progress it along - I couldn't help but start wondering, "if the walkers hadn't inherited the earth, what would Steph & Liz have done? Hopefully, this tells that tale somehow...enjoy.

Webster.
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Thomas Wolfe once said that you can't go home again but for former USAF air controller Stephanie Harrington, it's not something she can avoid any longer. Returning to the city of her birth following the death of her father - 15 years after vowing never to do so - Stephanie soon realizes that the Salt Lake City she grew up in - and left back in 1998 - isn't quite the same SLC that it has become in 2013....With her spouse Elizabeth by her side, can she adjust, like a fish out water, to the new world of the Wasatch Range she's returned to or will Thomas Wolfe's words ring true once more?

[big]Returning Home[/big]
Late March 2013

Ladies and gentlemen, the California Zephyr will soon be arriving at the Salt Lake City Intermodal Hub. There will be a forty-five minute stopover so that departing passengers may pick up their luggage from the luggage bay. Drinks and refreshments will be provided, however the dining bar will be closed for the duration of the stop...

It was the steady drone of the announcers' voice in both English and Spanish that finally awoke Stephanie as the train slowly came to a stop. Rubbing her eyes as she looked out and saw the expansive mountains of her native Wasatch Range in the distance, she whispered, "I guess we made it, didn't we, love?"

"Yeah, we made it," Liz replied, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek, "even under the circumstances," pausing to look out the cabin window as well. "So those are the mighty Wasatch mountains, huh?" she asked, gazing out in something akin to awestruck wonder. To the English-born, Carolina-raised gal, they looked very much like they did back when the first Mormon pioneers arrived by handcart and wagon in the late 1840's.

"Oh, yes," Stephanie said quietly, trying not to let her mind focus on why they were in Salt Lake City at that moment. "From my old house," pausing for a moment to gather her thoughts, "back in the Avenues, you could look to the east and it was nothing but mountains, as far as the eye could see. Even though I promised myself I'd never come back all those years ago, some images you can't walk away from and those," pointing out towards the mountains in the distance, "are images you can't walk away from, even after 15 years away."

Reaching into a jacket pocket to grab her cell phone - for some reason, Stephanie eschewed more modern smartphones, preferring a smaller, simpler flip-phone - she dialed a number from memory and waited for the person on the other end to pick up. After a few moments, she heard, "Hello?"

"Devon?" Stephanie replied. "It's Stephanie. We're just pulling into the station, where are you?"

"Just walking inside the main lobby now, sis," came her younger brother's reply. As they conversed, Stephanie could see Liz conversing with one of the Amtrak stewards' off to the side. After a few more minutes, Stephanie closed the phone shut and began to stretch in an effort to work the kinks out of her lanky, athletic frame.

As she began to slide her uniform jacket on, she began to think about the simple, inexorable fact that in a few days, she would no longer be Technical Sergeant Stephanie Jean Harrington, USAF...but simply a civilian. Thank God for terminal leave, she thought rather ruefully as she straightened her uniform up, making sure everything was in place.

Having already made her departures from the service, she'd elected to go ahead and take her accrued leave time - thirty days in total - and head down to be with her spouse at her vacation home - Chaisely Farm - down near Macon, Georgia. It sure did beat being cooped up behind the Ops counter back at Shaw, she thought, or at least it did until Devon called and said that father had passed away...

She could still see everything in her mind that had happened the day she'd gotten the call that her father had passed away back home in Salt Lake City. After a few moments, she shook her head and began focusing on the day ahead. Noticing that the train had finally come to a stop, she grabbed her overnight bag from the compartment above and slung it over her shoulder. Grabbing her Amtrak ticket from an inside pocket, Stephanie looked at Liz and smiled. "I guess we should get going, huh?" she said, taking a moment to rest her head on Liz's shoulder for comfort.

"Yeah," came Liz's reply, "we probably should." Without waiting another moment, they both stepped out of the cabin that had been their home the past two days and began walking towards the exit and into the vast expanse of Salt Lake's Intermodal Hub, the first steps either of them had taken in Steph's hometown, the first steps Steph had taken since leaving back in 1998...

 

[Webster]

"This place has definitely changed since I was last here," Stephanie whispered as her and Liz stepped off the California Zephyr, which had come to a stop outside the Hub's arrival center. Taking a moment to each grab their luggage from a nearby steward, they walked inside and began heading down the long, expansive hallway towards the main entrance.

"How so?" Liz asked, her voice quiet. Having never been to Salt Lake City, everything was new to Liz as well as to Stephanie, though for different reasons.

"Well, when I left back in '98 to travel to Lackland Air Force Base for basic training, this section of the Intermodal Hub wasn't even around. If we'd arrived here before say, 2002, this would've been nothing more than a bare patch of concrete," Stephanie replied, pausing only to readjust the strap to her duffel bag so that it'd be more comfortable while she carried it. "In addition," she said, pointing towards the main entrance at a slightly bespectacled individual, "they'd never allow someone that scrawny inside here."

"Who is that?" Liz asked.

"That would be my baby brother Devon," Stephanie said, smiling even under the circumstances at the sight of her brother, standing there at the main entrance looking slightly unkempt. After a few more moments, Stephanie set the duffel bag and gave him a hug, which he returned in kind. "I see you haven't changed a bit, Devon," she said, standing back so that she could take another look at him. "Still rail-thin, mop-top haircut, still wearing those Ben Franklins' --"

"Har, har, Stephanie, har, har," he replied, reaching out to give her another hug. "And even though you haven't been back in, what, 15 years, you're still the same big sister I grew up with. And you have definitely grown up since the last time I saw you...then again, under the circumstances back then...," his voice trailing off as the three of them stood there.

"Anyway," Stephanie said, "how's the rest of the family taking it?"

"Not good, not good," Devon replied, a dour expression about him. "Most everyone was waiting for you to get in, though," pausing to look at his watch. "Fortunately, we don't have to be at the funeral home until 5, so we've got some time to kill. Here, let me get that," he said, motioning for Stephanie to hand him her duffel, which he rather adroitly hefted over his shoulder. "Let's grab a bite and we'll just take things one at a time, alright?"

 

[Webster]

Late evening, 1192 Chandler Dr.


Well, that went better than I had imagined, Stephanie thought as she sat on the back deck of her parents' house, the night air bringing a sharp coolness she hadn't felt in years. Off in the distance, she could see the lights of numerous vehicles heading up and down the Lincoln Highway, a sight that had always amazed her growing up and, even in the absence of time, still seemed to cause a sense of marvel.

Taking a moment to sip from her bottle of Anchor Porter, Stephanie leaned back in the lounge chair and thought about the day. On the whole, it'd been a better day than she had thought, given the passages of time. Though some of her relatives had treated her rather distantly - a certainty, she felt, given the fact that, (a)this was her first time back in the SLC in over a decade and (b)that a few of them still didn't care for the way she lived her life...and while she could understand the first part, it really didn't bother her about the second part. "I am who I am," she quietly whispered, taking another sip of porter, "and if some of my more hidebound LDS relatives don't like it, then tough!"

While she continued to sit outside and occasionally glance out at the distant highway - or up at the stars - her mind drifted back in time, back to her youth. Although Stephanie had known early on in her teens that she was attracted to girls, she tried for years to keep it hidden, preferring instead to devote her energies to academics and athletics. Eventually, though, the time had come where she couldn't continue hiding that part of her...and so, one night right before she turned 18, Stephanie had decided to come out to her parents, hoping that - at the very least - they'd be halfway indifferent to what she had to say to them.

Unfortunately, almost from the time she'd told them, her parents reaction had been anything but indifferent, and within an hour or so of her coming out to them, Stephanie Harrington had found herself standing outside the house she'd grown up, tears streaming down her face and a suitcase in her hand, her parents having thrown her out of the house. Walking over to Daniel's house was the hardest damn walk I ever took, she bitterly thought, turning away for a moment to wipe a stray tear from her eye as she continued to sit and woolgather.

I don't know what I would've done had it not been for Daniel and his parents taking me in and letting me stay with them for a month while I thought about my future and everything else that went with it... she thought, remembering the month she'd stayed with them. Though Daniel Hayden - one of the few people Stephanie could truly call a friend growing up - and his family were just as much ensconced in the fiber and being of church life as everyone else in the Avenues, they were also good samaritans as well...if they hadn't taken me in that time, who knows what would've happened to me...

Before she could continue her woolgathering, she felt someone's arms reach around her and draw her close to them. Turning to see who it was, she smiled at the sight of Liz standing right behind her. "You alright out here?" she asked, leaning down to kiss Stephanie as she stood there.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Stephanie replied as lIz grabbed a chair and sat down nearby.

"Sure you are," Liz deadpanned. "You got that woolgathering look on your face--"

"Is it that obvious?" Steph said, setting her porter down in the table in front of her. Even after nearly nine years, Liz can still read me like a violin, she mused.

"Yeah, its' that obvious," Liz replied. "You really miss living out here, don't ya?" she added.

"Yeah," Stephanie said, shaking her head as if to confirm her own words. "Even after fifteen years, after everything...I always told myself that I'd come back out here someday, prove everyone wrong. Well, by God, that's what I'm going to do, girl," she continued, reaching over to grasp Liz's hand in her own.

"I know," Liz replied. "Remember what I said right before we got married? 'In for a penny, in for a pound?' Well," leaning over to kiss Stephanie once more, "whatever you decide to do, Stephanie, just remember that I'll be there at every step....every step."

"Thank you," Stephanie quietly - and somewhat breathlessly - said as they sat outside on the back deck. "Now...," she added with an almost coyishly sly tone, "where were we again, Liz?"

 

[Webster]

Morning, 7:30am or thereabouts


It was the early-morning tendrils of light which woke Stephanie from her night's slumber; taking a moment to turn the nearby alarm clock off - useless alarm, she muttered as she switched it off and set it back down on the nightstand. Looking over, she saw that the bed was empty and didn't think anything of it; she was still getting used to life outside of the military and it still unnerved her at times the things she could do now that she couldn't do in the past..And I thought things were interesting prior to Don't Ask, Don't Tell being repealed, she mused as she quickly stripped down to nothing, grabbed a large beach towel hanging nearby and went to take a shower.

Entering the bathroom, she knocked on the door to make sure it was empty. stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Hanging the towel up on a nearby hook, Stephanie turned on the shower; as the water began to heat up and steam a bit, she took a few moments to look at herself in the mirror.

As she looked at herself in the mirror, she thought to herself, I am a study in contrasts. Long, shoulder-length black hair framed a thin face that looked a few years older than her 33 years. Five tours overseas sure left their mark, she sighed, taking a second to put her hair up in a ponytail so that she wouldn't get it wet in the shower. Other than several tattoes on her athletic yet supple frame - most notably, that of a liverbird on her back just off the right shoulder blade - the only blemishes on her skin, save for the tan, were a few, random birthmarks underneath her left breast.

Noticing the steam beginning to pop out from behind the shower door, she turned and stepped inside, taking a few moments to let the rising steam finish waking her up. Now this is something I could get used to, she mused as she began to shower, no more military showers for me. For what seemed like forever - and with a few suppressed moans to boot - Stephanie showered, pretty much washing every part of her body that she could get to. Taking a second to look at a nearby wall clock, she saw the time and figured she'd been in the shower long enough. Turning the water off and grabbing the towel from off of its' hook, she quickly dried herself and wrapped the towel around her and went back to the bedroom.

Stepping inside, she tossed the towel aside and opened up the large duffel bag she'd packed a few days ago, taking a brief glance at everything inside and trying to decide what to wear. Setting aside a couple pieces of formal wear that she would wear for her dad's funeral a few days down the road, Stephanie tried to decide what to wear and eventually dressed for the day ahead - jeans, a long-sleeve turquoise blouse and light-black leather jacket. As she slipped on a pair of Sketchers', she leaned forward and thought about the next few days to come and sighed. I know I should really...really, hate my father for kicking me out of the house after I came out to both him and Mom all those years ago, she thought, sighing once more, but, dammit, I can't bring myself to hate him. Maybe there's a lesson here, some hidden truth to be discovered...but damned if I know what it is, taking one more moment to let out a long sigh before setting those thoughts aside. Getting up from the bed, she slipped a small shoulder satchel-like purse over her shoulder, walked to the door and stepped outside to begin the day. Got a long day ahead, she thought to herself as she headed downstairs, might as well get right to it while I can.

 

[Webster]

As she headed downstairs, Stephanie could smell the rich smells of dark roasted coffee in the air, thinking to herself, Liz must've brought her uncle's coffee press. Entering the kitchen only confirmed her earlier thought, smiling as Liz poured the two of them large cups of coffee. "I figured you were down here," she said, kissing Liz lightly on the cheek as they stood around an inset kitchen island. Both of them could hear the faint sounds of traffic heading up-and-down Chandler Drive, the sounds of the day in the background.

Taking a sip of coffee, Steph looked over and asked, "Wanna' bet back at Chaisely Farm, your uncle is looking all over for that press," pointing to the coffee press in question.

"Knowing Uncle Thomas, he probably is," Liz replied with a smirk, adding, "but I left him a note," causing Steph to momentarily strangle on her coffee. Catching her breath, she replied, "Oh, I'm sure he'll appreciate that."

Liz looked over and set down her cup. "You alright, hon?" she asked, a pensive look on her face.

"Yeah, but not really," Steph sighed, setting her own cup down. Looking around, she added, "I was just thinking when I was upstairs," pausing for a moment, "that, even though I should, in all honestly, hate my father - and my mother, for that matter - for throwing me out of the house all those years ago, I couldn't really hate him for it. Is that wrong, Liz?" Stephanie asked anxiously. "Is it?"

Standing with her back to the kitchen counter, Liz crossed her arms and thought about it for a bit. One of the things that made their relationship work as well as it did - besides the inexorable fact that they both truly loved each other - was that the two could be polar opposites at time. Where Stephanie was the rational, free-thinking type, Elizabeth was more intuitive and emotional. Where Stephanie could - depending on the circumstance - go blindly charging into a situation, Elizabeth was the type to think over every possibility...in triplicate, some said about her.

Looking over at her, Stephanie couldn't help but notice the subtle twitching of Liz's arms, crossed over as they were. Focusing on those movements, it helped keep her mind from spinning out of control as she waited for Liz's reply. It also reminded her of how beautiful her spouse was, which also helped to keep her mind fairly grounded.

Finally, Liz spoke. "For what its' worth, I wouldn't worry about it. I know I've said this before, but at least your parents reacted to you coming out to them at the time. When I came out to my parents, the most reaction I could get out of them over time was a 'Meh,'" pausing to clear her mind of those memories before continuing. "They didn't know what to say...come to think of it, they still don't, even though they've been long divorced, but I stopped worrying a long time ago," walking over to put her hands around Steph's upper arms.

"Whatever feelings you might still have, I'd just let them go. We all have to answer in the next life for what we do in this one and I, for one," leaning over to hug Stephanie close, "don't want to see the woman I love grief herself into a stupor over it...okay?" After a few moments, she repeated, "Okay?", looking right at Stephanie as she said it.

After a few moments, Stephanie came back to earth. "Okay," drawing Liz close to her, "okay, I'll let it go." Before she could continue, the pleasant charms of the doorbell could be heard. "Oh, dear," Stephanie chuckled as they stepped back from one another, "this early in the morning, it better be good." Walking over to the door, she opened it, figuring it would be her brother Devon arriving, or maybe another family member. Opening the door, Stephanie looked at the person standing on the other side of the door...and got the shock of her life in turn.

 

[Webster]

"Morning, Stephanie. Its', uh, its' nice to see you," said the man standing at the door. Dressed rather conservatively - black suit with thinnish tie and close-cropped brownish-blond hair - he was about her height. Taking off his sunglasses, he continued. "May I come in?"

For several moments, Stephanie stood, her hand over her mouth in an expression of abject shock, as if she couldn't really believe - or want to believe - who was standing in front of her. Eventually - and after a few stifled coughs from Liz, who was standing nearby - she came back down to earth. "Of course, Daniel, come in, come in," she said, stepping back and walking back into the kitchen. After a few moments to compose herself, she spoke. "This is quite a surprise...I mean, I haven't seen you in ages...," Stephanie began before walking back over and giving her childhood friend a long, comforting hug.

Returning the hug, Daniel simply stood there and consoled his old friend. "Its' alright, its' alright," he quietly said. After a few more seconds, Stephanie stepped back, still not wanting to believe that her old childhood friend was standing in front of her. "You look good, Daniel," she said, "how have you been? Its' been what, 15 years now or so since..."

"Yeah, 15 years," Daniel replied, removing his suit jacket and folding it over a nearby chair.

Stephanie continued. "Its' still a bit of a shock, seeing you....I was expecting Devon to come by this morning and then the three of us --" pausing to stop. Raising her hand as if to calm herself, she added, "Before I continue, let me introduce my wife, Elizabeth. Liz, this is an old childhood friend of mine, Daniel Hayden," waiting as they exchanged greetings, "and as I recall, you scrawny rascal, you used to live what, two, three houses up the street?"

"Three, to be precise," Daniel said, faintly smiling for a moment. Rubbing the light stubble over his face, he added, "Now, as I recall, Stephanie, if your nose wasn't stuck in a book somewhere, you were either at Popperton Park or 11th Avenue Park, kicking a soccer ball past me and everyone else in sight," chuckling at the distant memory. "It is good to see you, though, Stephanie, even under these circumstances," his tone turning serious. "My condolences on your father's passing; I know you two were estranged all this time but still..."

"Thank you, Daniel," Stephanie replied, quietly nodding her thanks. "You knew my father outside of the neighborhood?" she asked, slightly perplexed.

 

[Webster]

"Yeah, he was my ward adviser when I became an elder at the local church," Daniel said, referring to the expansive Avenues LDS Church nearby. "Bishop Harrington - Allen - used to never talk about you whenever our paths would cross. It was sort of an unwritten agreement, Stephanie - he wouldn't ask me how you were doing, and I wouldn't tell him how you were doing." Noting Liz's piqued expression, Daniel said, "Steph and I used to write on a regular basis back when she enlisted for a while just so she'd have someone to talk to."

"Speaking of which, why are you here this morning?" Stephanie said, hoping to bring the conversation back to earth.

"I was going to talk to you, Devon and the rest of the family at the church tomorrow but since I caught up with you here, I figured I'd go ahead and get you - and Liz - up to speed beforehand. First," pausing to blow out a breath, "the visitation for your dad, Steph, is going to be tomorrow evening at 6pm at the local ward church. Since Allen was an LDS bishop, you can expect a lot of people there tomorrow evening.

"The funeral itself, Steph, will be Saturday at 9am, with a graveside service over in the nearby Veterans' Cemetery at 10." Before he could continue, Liz asked, "Who's going to deliver..."

Sighing, Daniel replied, "That would be me," causing Stephanie to shoot him a look. Raising his hands, he added, "One of your father's last wishes was that he hoped to live long enough to reconcile with you. He also asked me, a few days before he died, if I would be willing to preside over his funeral, which I agreed to."

As Stephanie tried to reconcile what she had heard, Daniel walked over and grabbed his jacket. Slipping it back on, he reached inside and withdrew a closed envelope. Handing it over to Stephanie, he told her it was a letter from her dad to her. "And, no, I don't know what he wrote either, Honor, so don't ask," Daniel said, straightening his tie. Before he could continue, Liz asked him about what he'd said.

"Oh, you mean the Honor reference?" Daniel said with a slight deapannish smirk. "Well, when we were younger," he said, "Stephanie used to read these science fiction books by David Weber and she read every one she could get her hands on..." Noticing Steph blushing a bit, he went on, "...and the main character in most of them was a woman named Honor Harrington. Suffice it to say, Liz, the nickname stuck.

"Growing up, I can't recall anytime I ever heard any of the neighborhood kids ever call Stephanie by her name; it was usually, 'hey, Honor!'. Didn't matter whether it was at school or at the park or the soccer field, it stuck."

Grasping Stephanie's hand as she stood there, Daniel quietly added, "Steph, I've got to take off now. If there's anything you need," taking a few moments to write down some numbers, "you call me. Anytime, okay?"

"Alright," Stephanie said, wiping a tear away and looking away. "Alright."

"Okay," Daniel replied, giving both of them hugs before heading over to the door. "Remember, Honor...anytime, okay?" he said before taking his leave and heading outside.

 

[Webster]

Saturday afternoon, 1192 Chandler Dr.


Sitting outside on the deck, a large cup of coffee sitting nearby, Stephanie tried to zone out the sounds of the wake going on inside the house, opting to think about the past few days. Loosening the tie tab and unbuttoning the top button of her uniform blouse, she simply kept her eyes focused on the folded American flag in front of her. In her mind, she could still hear the echo of the Utah guardsman who, after the flag that had been draped over her father's coffin had been folded, had walked over to where her, Devon - and the rest of her relatives and family - had been sitting at, knelt down and said to her in a quiet voice, Technical Sergeant Harrington, on behalf of the United States government, please accept this flag as a sign of respect for your father's service to both country and God...

For what seemed like forever, she sat there, her eyes focused on that flag, replaying every moment of the past few days in her mind. When I walked up the road all those years ago, I never thought I'd return..., pausing her thought to sip some coffee. She'd had just set the cup down when she heard the sound of footsteps on the deck. Turning to see who it was, she smiled. "Someone's going to shoot you, little brother, sneaking up on people like that," she said as Devon sat down nearby.

"Sure, that's what everyone tells me," he replied, sitting down nearby, "but I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are," Stephanie said. "But I suspect you didn't come out here and join me in the woolgathering festival--"

"No, I didn't," Devon replied. "I wanted to introduce you to a few people," getting up and jokingly pulling on his older sibling's arm, "'cause at the moment you need to be around more people--"

"What do you mean, 'more people', Devon?" Stephanie said, getting up and wondering what her brother was saying, "There's plenty of people inside...I just needed some time outside alone--"

"Which you got," Devon retorted. "Now c'mon," he said as they walked back inside. Pointing over to a couple of others, he said quietly, "At least say hi, okay?" as they moved through the crowds inside the house. Reaching the others he'd pointed to, he said, "Steph, these are a few friends of mine; they just happen up the road a little further up Chandler. Evan, Adrianna, this is my sister Stephanie," Devon said as everyone exchanged pleasantries. Noticing a small trace of a smile cross his sister's face, Devon added, "See, meeting people is good for you. You should get out more, expand your horizons--"

"I'll expand your horizons," Stephanie joked, mock-pushing her brother away for a moment, adding in a quiet whisper, "right over that deck outside, little brother," continuing to mock-push him away. Turning to Evan and Adrianna, Stephanie introduced herself once more, adding, "Excuse my brother, he can be a bit of a pest at times...," pausing to look over at Devon and add, "..like now," shooing him away and adding, "Go circulate around, Devon...make yourself visible, make yourself at home."

Turning back around, she added, "So, where were we again?" taking a moment to brush an imaginary speck of dust from her uniform blouse as the three of them stood there.

 

[Webster]

'I think Devon was just introducing us to each other," Adrianna said, offering a friendly handshake to Stephanie.

"Whereabouts around here do you guys live?" Stephanie asked, shaking hands with Adrianna. It had been so long since she'd been in Salt Lake City that she knew if she was going to live here again, she definitely needed to get her bearings back down once again.

"Over on Federal Way, near the university," Evan replied, changing tact. "I went to school with Devon at about the same time, so I know he can be a bit of a pain at times," running a hand through his hair, "especially when I try advising him on legal issues every so often--"

"Legal issues?" Stephanie asked, piqued. "He doesn't get into trouble, does he?"

"No, not in that regard," Evan replied. "My firm represents his oil and gas company; I'm the in-house counsel for him...which means I sometimes have to drag him back down to earth every so often...." Before he could continue, Stephanie quipped, "I can help you with that..."

"I'm sure you could," Evan chuckled, pausing to top off his glass of punch. "I'd drink something stronger but..."

"I understand," Stephanie said, holding up her coffee cup. "When I was growing up, I could tell almost immediately whether someone was a Mormon or not by what they drank," eliciting a stern look from Adrianna. "Relax, relax, I may have grown up in an LDS family, but I'm just as much a gentile as," pointing around to a few others, "they are. Growing up, I used to rebel against mom and dad by sneaking in the occasional soft-drink or energy drink. Mom didn't mind...Dad, on the other hand..." letting her voice trail off to emphasize the point.

Looking over at Adrianna, she continued. "So Evan's an attorney, huh? That must be interesting...and you..."

'Oh, I'm a mental health counselor over at the Veterans Center," Adrianna said. "How long did you serve, if I may ask?" she continued, hoping to change the subject.

"Close to 15 years," Stephanie said, sighing quietly, "and this week was my last in uniform. After," looking at her watch to see what day it was, "today, I get to put this uniform back up and rejoin civilian society. Sucks but it is what it is; four overseas tours can take a lot out of you...," looking away so as not to relive any of the memories in her mind, "but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Got to see the world, visit strange places, kill plenty of bad guys..."

"One of our partners at the firm I work for served as well," Evan said. "One - no, two tours - in Iraq..let me think," pausing a second. "Two tours in Iraq, one with the Utah guard and a second with the...they were out of Texas but--"

"Probably 1st Cavalry," Stephanie interjected, "either 1st Cav out of Fort Hood or the 56th Brigade, Texas Guard. I came across a few cavalrymen on my tour in Iraq..can't say I cared for them; too arrogant for my taste. There was this one cavalrywoman, though....," she added, causing Evan to stifle a laugh and Adrianna to shoot both of them another stern look.

Catching it, Stephanie laughed as well and said, "Relax, relax. If Devon talked to you about me at length, then you'll catch that last part easy enough. Just as the two of you are married, so am I," pausing to look around for a moment. Catching sight of Elizabeth - still wearing a mid-length black dress...and still looking as beautiful as ever, she mused - she said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see how my wife is doing," thanking them for being here before walking over to where Liz was.

Once over there, she quietly said, "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" having noticed Liz talking to a couple of people who'd been to both the funeral and the graveside service. After Liz said she hadn't, Stephanie said, "I'm going to head upstairs and change out of this monkey suit; I'll be back down in a bit." Leaving Liz alone to continue her previous conversation, Stephanie headed upstairs, bounding the stairs two at a time. The sooner I can get out of this uniform, the better, she mused.

 

[Webster]

Evening


After what seemed like forever, all the guests had finally left the wake and as the night sky slowly fell over the Wasatch Range, Stephanie - now dressed in jeans and a light blouse - Liz and Devon sat outside, the late evening air casting a quiet chill over them. Grasping a cup of coffee, Steph looked over at her brother and said, "Well, now what?"

"Hmm...what do you mean?" Devon asked, a bit perplexed.

"Devon," Stephanie said, leaning back in her chair, "I meant, what's going to happen now? To the house, all of Dad's stuff inside...that's what I meant."

"Ohh," he replied. "Well," pulling out a piece of paper from a back jeans pocket, "sometime this week, you and I have to go to the lawyers' and find out how the property's going to be divided and everything." Noticing his sister looking over as if to say repeat that again?, he paused and explained. "For some reason - and no, I don't know why he did it - Dad wrote out how his property was to be divided. Assets such as money, retirement funds..that sort of thing supposed to be split equally amongst all the relatives. Including you and me, sis...at least that's what Mr. Benton, dad's attorney, said to me yesterday when I asked.

"As for the house here...," Devon added, tossing a set of keys onto the table towards Stephanie, "Mr. Benton did say for me to tell you that, for all intents and purposes, the house here is yours." This caused Stephanie to shoot her brother a stunned look, one reciprocated by Liz, who was equally as stunned. "Repeat that again, Devon?" Stephanie said, not wanting to believe what she'd heard.

"He said - and this is not for public consumption - that dad's will specifically indicated that, regardless of anything else, this house and everything in it would go to you upon his passing," Devon said, careful to enunciate every word.

"Why'd he do that?" Liz asked, also perplexed by what she had heard.

"Mr. Benton didn't say why," Devon replied. Finishing his own cup of coffee, "and I didn't press him on it; with as much as all of us had to do this week, I didn't want to press him on anything." Looking at Stephanie, he added, 'Sis, did Elder Hayden give you a letter from your dad?"

"Yeah, its' upstairs in my overnight," she replied. "Why do you ask?"

Pausing to take in a few deep breaths, Devon said, "I thought so." Noticing Liz's inquisitive glance, he continued. "Dad didn't like to talk much about Stephanie after, um...well, you know. I finally got him to open up a few months ago, right after he was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. He'd come up to my house in Logan and wanted to talk about a bunch of stuff; after a while, I finally worked the nerve to ask..."

"Ask what?" Liz said, taking hold of Stephanie's hand as they sat there.

"Ask why he would throw his daughter out of the house all those years ago," Devon said, a tinge of bitterness mixed with sadness in his voice. "You know Dad, Steph, whenever he'd start talking about something, he'd pause, take in a few breaths, then start talking quickly like he was in church or at the temple. This time, though, he took his time; he had too - by then, the cancer had spread to his lungs and he was having trouble breathing...

"He started by telling me that, of all the things he'd ever done in this world, the worst was throwing you out of the house, sis. I asked him why he'd do it; I was only 12 at the time, so I didn't know anything better...but I had to know why. He looked right at me...about like you are right this minute, Steph, and he said to me, 'Because I didn't want to believe that my daughter, my flesh and blood, was..."

"A lesbian?" Stephanie said, almost nonchalantly.

"Yeah, but that's not the word he used," Devon replied. "His exact words were pie eater and I don't think he meant a contestant in a pie-eating contest either," letting the inference hang in the mountain air like a dead anchor. After a moment he continued. "He then added, 'but, son, I've come to realize that, just as Brigham Young himself had his own road to travel, we too have our own roads to travel. He asked, for the first time in over 14 years, how you were doing..."

"And what'd you tell him?" Stephanie asked, still stunned at the slur her father had used in referring to her back then.

"I told him you were doing alright, that you'd enlisted in the Air Force - that perked him up big-time, by the way - and said you'd served overseas some. That brought a smile to his face," glancing over at Liz and adding, "Dad served two tours in Vietnam, so it surprised him to learn his own daughter had served overseas as well." Continuing from his previous thought, he went on. "After a while, he couldn't continue, he was short of breath, so I didn't press him on anything else." Looking away, he added, "I really didn't know what to say, sis, I mean," pausing to wipe a tear away, "what was I supposed to say to him? I mean, I was only 12 at the time you left, I didn't know what to do...

"I remember...I remember, for several nights after, Steph, crying myself to sleep thinking you'd come back, that you'd come back and wondering what you were going to do, where you were going to go. I used to hate him for what he did....I never asked, though, 'til that day when he came up to the house to talk. And to think...every day after, he'd get up in church and preach the gospel, oblivious to his own goddamn hypocrisy. Was it any wonder, Steph, I wanted to get the hell out of here too when I turned 18?"

For the longest time, no one said anything, the air seeming to hang over them like a heavy woolen blanket. Finally, Stephanie, noticing the late hour, quietly coughed. "It's getting late," she said, rubbing her eyes and getting up to stretch a little bit. "I'm just worn out, from the past few days, the funeral, the wake...what you just said, little brother. I've got to get some sleep." Reaching over to grab the keys Devon had slid across to her, she added, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" and walked back inside the house.

 

[Webster]

As she sat on the side of the bed, Stephanie still tried to reconcile her own feelings and thoughts with what Devon had said to her earlier and kept striking out. I know I should hate my dad for kicking me out of the house the way that he did but...but I can't bring myself to hate him for it, I just can't!, she kept thinking to herself as the sounds of someone taking a shower - Liz, she figured - could be heard down the hall.

Getting up from the bed, she began pacing the floor, trying to work up the nerve to read the letter than Daniel had given her, the one her father had written shortly before his passing. After a lot of pacing - and a few muttered swearings - she walked over to her overnight bag, which was sitting in front of the closet. Opening it up, she pulled the envelope out and sat back down next to the bed's nightstand, envelope in hand.

Turning the light on so that she'd have more light to see, Stephanie sat down and opened the envelope up, emptying the contents onto the bed next to her. There were two things inside: the letter her father had written...and a photo of him in his dress blues; turning it over, there was an inscription. SFC Allen Harrington, Delta Company, 5-60 INF (Riverine), Dong Tam, 1969, she whispered, adding, "So Dad was a river rat," she mused, setting the picture aside.

Opening the letter, she began to quietly read...

My Dearest Stephanie...

How weird is it for me to say those words after so many years...and with the distance between us, both physical and other. If you're reading this, then it means I've passed into the Great Beyond. It also means that you've attended my funeral...which means you're likely back in Salt Lake City, sitting in the house you once called home...

Before I say anything else here, I want to apologize for what I did, throwing you out of the house when you...when you came out to us back then. It was wrong what I did: I know it was wrong, you mother - God rest Allison's soul - knew what I did was wrong...and I know in his heart and soul that God knows it was wrong.

Over the years, I've tried to reconcile my faith with what I did and I've finally come to realize that, while I cannot change the past or cannot change whatever feelings you may have towards me - and I wouldn't blame you if you hated my guts - I want you to know that you...that you will always be daughter, no matter how I may feel about your lifestyle or whatever you want to call it. Know that, even if you never choose to come back to the Wasatch Range, Stephanie, you will always be welcome here, no matter what....

Its' times like this, my child, that I often think of the Parable of the Prodigal Son...only now I feel as though I'm the Prodigal Son, not the father of the prodigal son. As I lie here in my bed, the days ticking away, I can only hope that you will find it in your heart to accept a father's sincere apology...although I can only answer for my own actions and thoughts, I hope that you will accept this apology from a heartbroken father, not for anything you've ever done, but for what I did, all those years ago.

Your father,
Allen.

Folding the letter back up, Stephanie set it down on the nightstand and leaned forward, head in her hands...and silently began to break down, quietly crying as nearly fifteen years of bitterness, vitriol and other evilish thoughts poured out through her tears. Trying to compose herself, she only began to cry more as she started to comprehend what it must've took for her own father to write what he had written. As she sat there, trying not to break down completely, Liz - who'd stepped back inside the bedroom - sat down next to her and tried to comfort her.

Looking over, Stephanie rested her head on her spouse's shoulder, still continuing to cry her heart out. "Shhh," Liz whispered, trying to remain composed herself, "its' alright, its' alright." After a few more moments, Stephanie, now feeling drained from all the tears, looked over and tried to smile. "You remember what I've said over the years about wanting to hate my father for throwing me out of the house like he did all those years ago? Well," picking up the letter for a moment, "I couldn't hate him now even if I wanted to..." pausing as Liz wiped away a few tears from her face.

"Even if you could, Stephanie," Liz said, holding Steph close to her, "you don't have in your heart to hate anyone."

"I know," Stephanie said as they sat there, holding onto one another as if each were an anchor for the other, "I know." After another moment or so, she looked around and thought, "I must look a mess right now, don't I?"

"No, you look like the woman I fell in love with all those years ago," Liz replied, gently kissing Stephanie on the forehead, "and you always will, Stephanie. Now," Liz said, getting up from the bed and pulling Stephanie up as well, "you go take a shower..." leaning forward to kiss Stephanie once more, adding, "I'll be waiting."

 

[Webster]

Epilogue: Days later...


Sitting in front of her father's headstone, Stephanie could feel the cold winds blowing around her and through the expansive Veterans' Cemetery, casting a chilly pall on what was an otherwise regular day in the East Valley. As she sat there, indian-style, she couldn't help but think of all the memories of her youth - the good, the bad...and the ugly.

Finally, she began to work up enough nerve to begin talking; it felt odd to her to be talking to a headstone but in her mind, it was something she had to do, both to close out the past and begin anew. "You know, I still remember that first night after you and Mom kicked me out of the house," she began, wiping away a silent tear as she spoke, "and I remember going to sleep that first night up at Daniel's house, wondering what I had done to deserve what you'd said to me. I know, in my heart and in my mind that I should hate you from now until eternity for it...but I cannot. I just can't..." looking away as she caught sight of a small songbird that had landed on a Pinon' pine branch nearby.

"But...I do forgive you, even though I shouldn't and even though everything in my life tells me not to, I forgive you, dad," Stephanie continued, pausing once more to wipe away a few tears as she sat there. "I remember something you once told me when I was a young kid, after I kept badgering you and badgering you to let me play soccer with the other neighborhood kids," laughing for a moment. "You sat me on your knee and said, 'Steph, no matter what happens, whether its' out there on that field or in this world, you give it everything you've got.'

"Well," taking a moment to pull out a small box from an inside jacket pocket and opening it, "I think I know what you'd say about the life I've lived up to now," pausing to drape on one side of the headstone an Air Force Cross with attached neck ribbon, making sure the medal was to the front of the headstone.

Taking another moment to sit back down, Stephanie continued, pausing as she the sounds of someone - or a couple people, for that matter -shouting over towards her. "Now, I don't know what's going to happen in this life to come, but I know one thing, dad...no matter what happens in this life, I'm not to leave anything out there...nothing. Its' the least I can do in this world..."

Glancing over, She smiled as she saw Liz and a couple others walking over towards her. Taking a moment to stand and salute her father's headstone, Stephanie said quietly, "Farewell, dad...love you always." After a moment, she lowered her hand and began walking towards Liz and the others, thinking, I'm free now...free of all the guilt, the bitterness. in my life.

Taking one last moment to look back at the headstone, she also added the thought, I'm home now...for once, I can say with pride that Salt Lake City is my home. As she looked back, Liz asked her, "You alright, love?"

Looking back at the gravesite for a moment before looking over at her spouse, Stephanie hugged her close as they walked back to their vehicle and said, "Yeah, I'm alright now...I'm alright now.."